


a life of love is a long time

by liebstes



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hades (Hades 2018) Is An Asshole, M/M, Nyx (Hades 2018) Is A Good Parent, Slow Burn, Trans Character, Trans Zagreus, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27430747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liebstes/pseuds/liebstes
Summary: 5 times Zagreus made something in Thanatos' chest ache and the 1 time they did something about it.
Relationships: Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 249





	a life of love is a long time

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! basically im having hades brainrot and literally all i can do this think about this game, so... third fic in three days!!! 
> 
> WARNINGS: blood mention, zag dies (but not permanently okay that's the game), zag is trans and is referred to by princess/she in some early dialogue
> 
> i am a STEM major and basically spend all my time doing schoolwork so i do not have much practice with writing so i hope this is okay!! i just really wanted to write some nice trans thanzag from thans perspective and ended up making myself emo
> 
> also callout post: hades ur an asshole and if i see u in a Walmart parking lot u bet I'm gonna kick ur ass
> 
> ALSO part 2 the title is from the song "when you were made" by the growlers!

1.

“Thanatos, come, meet the princess.” 

He turns to find Nyx at the end of the East hall, staring at him calmly with a… bundle around her legs. He glides over to find a small godling nestled between the drapes of Nyx’s tunic, smothering his face in the Goddess’ thigh. 

“It is only Death, princess, be not afraid,” Nyx says, attempting to coax the godling out from hiding. It is partially successful, as Thanatos can now see a vivid green eye staring back at him. It reminds him so dauntingly of the Queen, whom he had not met often but he doubts there is one person in this House untouched by her influence and memory. 

“Hello,” he offers, sheathing his scythe as to not scare the child any more than he already has. Only recently had he gotten used to the weight of it, no longer having to balance it on the floor when standing in fear of falling over. He has hardly left the realm of being so young himself, but his responsibilities already weigh on him like the mighty scale of Libra. 

The princess turns his head so Than can see the other eye– a fierce black and red that contrasts heavily with the emerald green of the other. 

“Hi,” is all Thanatos gets in response as the godling clings to Nyx with tiny fists, taking in the floating God of Death. 

“The princess has remained under my care to ensure her health and safety, but now we are confident she is able to roam as she pleases with no consequences. I thought you might like to show her around, my child, as you and Hypnos did not so long ago.” 

Than knew this was Nyx’s polite way of assigning him babysitting duty, but he accepted nonetheless. The existence of Hades’ heir was always one of hushed whispers and secrets ever since the Queen left and Nyx mysteriously disappeared. 

“Are you gonna leave?” the godling asks Nyx, face turned up to meet his pseudo-mother, who in turn rests a hand on the princess’ short black hair, “Fear not, I shall remain here. I simply wish for you to explore with the other… young adults of the House.” 

_Young adults,_ Than thought. He had been here for nearly an eon of mortal time, growing at the slowed rates of Gods, learning his duties, and studying under Charon. But sure, call him a young adult. 

“Okay,” the princess accepts, fully detaching from Nyx to face Thanatos. “Am I gonna float like you?” he asks, hopeful. 

Nyx laughs gently, responding for Thanatos, “I’m afraid not, child. You shall have your own blessings, unlike those of Death here.” 

The princess frowns at this, and Than has a sudden ache in his chest, a feeling so strongly _human_ it disturbs him. 

“I could carry you,” he offers, without thinking. 

Nyx looks at him sharply, surprised. He does not have time to consider her before the princess gasps, “Really? So I could float too?” 

He reaches out his arms in response, leaving the choice to the godling. 

It does not take long for him to accept. 

2.

“C’mon, I’m getting rather tired of sparring with just Achilles. You really don’t have time for a quick match?” 

Thanatos regards the princess with a cool eye, ignoring his call of duty manifesting through an ache in his temples. 

“Perhaps I could manage a small break. It’s not often I get to embarrass you,” Than says monotony, thinking back to their previous sparring attempts. 

Right on cue, the princess laughs, drawing his sword. It is still too large for his body, but he insists on training with Achilles every day to prepare for the day it isn’t. “That joke isn’t any funnier the twentieth time around, you know.” 

“I beg to differ,” Than replies, drawing his scythe and taking his place across from the princess in the courtyard. 

Like always, the princess strikes first, dashing forward to slice at Death, leaving scorch marks in his wake. He dodges easily and swings his scythe around to hit him with the handle rather than the blade itself. The princess grunts and manages to get Than’s side with his blade, not cutting but applying enough pressure to make its’ presence known. 

They continue on like that, each taking turns from offense to defense until they’re both panting from exertion. 

“You’re getting better,” Than admits, torso slightly aching from the jabs. The princess grins in response, “Or you’re getting slow,” he taunts. 

Were there any malicious intent behind the words Thanatos would bristle and excuse himself, but he was well aware of their familiar tauntings. He only raises an eyebrow in response, reaching out a hand to help the princess up from the floor. He takes it steadily, pulling on his grip to raise himself, but doesn’t release it once standing. Than feels a heat burning through their touch, still not used to the temperature that seemed to be constantly radiating off the princess, so opposite from his own. 

The princess squeezes Than’s hand once, before meeting his gaze saying, “I’ve been thinking. A lot, really. I think… the Gods made a mistake.” 

Thanatos blinks, taken back at the sudden shift in topic and the accusation. “A mistake?” he asks, “Of what?”

The princess grimaces, “Me. I don’t really think I’m… meant to be a princess.” 

“You wish to denounce your affiliation to the House?” Than questions, confused.

That gets a laugh out of the princess, something that only confuses Than further. “No,” he replies, “I mean, well… to denounce my affiliation to being a girl. I’d much rather be a prince.” 

Thanatos knew this could happen, had witnessed many mortals amongst his travels that defied whatever label the Gods had given them at birth. Dionysus even did the same, though that was a tale older than him. 

“Okay,” Than says, squeezing their hands once more. “Shall I call you something else?” 

The prince smiles, widely. Than can feel his chest tighten. 

“Zagreus, if you wouldn’t mind.” 

3.

The air stunk of something so vile and sour Thanatos had to hold a sleeve against his nose to stop himself from gagging. The battlefield was burnt, littered with bodies of whom Thanatos had just released from life, seconds before the blades and spears pierced their organs leaving them in agony. It was always a pain to bring these mortals to Death before it naturally occurred, but he did it nonetheless. 

He was left surveying the souls that had not yet been picked up by Hermes. He could leave, he knew, to the next battlefield or sick house or whatever possible place Death awaits, but he stays. 

A soul approaches him, an aura of grief and shame radiating off it strongly. Than feels powerless as the shade stopped at his feet as if to beg, pleading for some sort of release or reprieve he was incapable of giving. 

“Whoops! Sorry there, Coz, didn’t mean to fall behind there. So many battles nowadays, you’d think Ares would have enough, hm? No matter, I’ll take this lot down to trusty Charon, you can continue on to whatever it is you need. See you around!” Hermes says, popping into existence a few meters from Than before hurriedly gathering the souls. 

He doesn’t bother him with a reply, only sparing one more glace around before shifting away. 

The House is a welcomed sight; no unending brightness from Helios’ chariot, no smell of vomit, or grief. He heads to the lounge to get a quick refreshment before leaving, not something he does often but a telltale sign of frustration. 

“Thanatos,” Nyx greets him from just outside. He nods in response, “Mother,” before continuing to the lounge. The Chef already has a glass waiting for him– something brown and bubbly with a thick cube of ice. It’s not as if it really matters; his lack of taste left most things as simple vague flavors. 

He settles down at a table in the corner only to have Nyx join him moments later. 

“Something troubles you, child.” 

Nyx’s statement left no room to argue, and he doesn’t see a point anyway. “Nothing serious, just… work. The war up there seems to be unending, for surely everyone but Ares himself is sick of it.” 

Nyx hums, “War is rarely understood, know that Ares has his reasons for ensuing such events. Though, that does not mean the rest of us are immune to the consequences that follow.” 

Thanatos remains silent, circling his glass to watch the ice sink and bob. 

“Zagreus asked for you before you arrived. He wishes to speak with you, however, I feel it would be only just for me to prepare you.” 

“Prepare?” he questions. His times with Zagreus were not often in need of preparation, but rather a chance to let himself relax. 

“He wishes to leave the House. He shall explain his own reasonings to you, but I wish for you to process this decision before confronting him.” 

If he didn’t have the semblance of control over himself that he did, the glass in his hand would have surely shattered. 

“Leave?” Than repeats in a quiet voice. How does one _leave_ the House? Does Zagreus wish to spend the rest of time somewhere in Asphodel, Elysium even? 

“I sense he has returned to the House now, if you wish to speak to him. Or it may be wise to wait. Whatever you want, my son.” 

With that, Nyx fixes him a loving glance, a soft pat on his shoulder, and is gone. He stares into his empty glass as the first shroud of Zagreus’ voice filter into the lounge. He can hear the prince chatting with Dusa, but the thought of seeing his face fills him with such dread he shifts away without even realizing it. 

He’s back on the surface. Incoming death plagues his mind as he tries to get his seemingly numb brain to focus. 

Zagreus wants to leave. 

His heart feels heavy, as if he would fall to the ground if not for his powers keeping him afloat. 

Zagreus wants to leave. 

Of all things, his mind takes him back to Mort. Showing the creature off to the then perceived princess, playing with him in the lounge, up until the creature disappeared and Zagreus spent nearly a mortal month tearing the place apart looking for him. 

Zagreus wants to leave. 

4.

He had not been… _avoiding_ the prince, but rather keeping busy. It’s not like mortals can handle their own deaths, he justifies. His increase in work hours and bad temper was to be expected. 

“Jeez, Zag’s really got you in a bad mood, huh! Would it make you feel better knowing he died from one of those little traps last time? Poked him to death!” Hypnos giggles. 

“It does not, brother, but thanks for the attempt,” he replies sourly. Of course the one time Hypnos was awake and coherent, Thanatos was there. 

“Well, too bad. Hey, if you see him soon, could you remind him about getting a certain autograph from a certain Bull of Minos? He’ll know what it means!” 

_Bull of Minos._ So, he had already reached Elysium. Farther than Than expected, given this whole idea had only started recently. It made him nauseous that Zagreus was so close to the surface. 

He didn’t grace his brother with a reply, instead leaving to go seek out Nyx. They had not spoken much since their last conversation, save for concerned glances from the Goddess. 

“Hello, child,” Nyx said from her nook, shrouding them in a veil of darkness in some sense of privacy. 

“Mother,” Than replied, “I hear Zagreus has already met the Champions of Elysium. He must be excited.” 

His bitter tone was obviously picked up by his Mother as she cast him a look, saying, “I know this is hard for you, Thanatos. But your disregard for his feelings is only making this journey more difficult for both of you. I implore you to seek him out and have a discussion. I’m sure he would enjoy your company.” 

Thanatos glanced to the side, feeling shameful of his childish reactions, yet still stubborn enough to hesitate. “And should he not be the one to seek out me?” 

“He has tried, child. Every time he returns here, he asks for you. Surely you know this.” 

He did, in fact. It doesn’t make Zag’s decision hurt any less. 

“Very well. I shall speak to him. Soon.”

Nyx hums, “That pleases me. Trust me when I say I know this is not easy for you. I know the bond between you two runs deep. However, I do not think this has the power to break it. Only you, yourself can do that.” 

“Thank you,” he said. Conversing with Nyx was always a calming experience, her voice reminding him of those times in adolescence sewing Mort or helping him win hide and seek from Hypnos. Why she wasn’t enough for Zagreus, why he insisted on abandoning her along with everyone else, was unknown to him. 

“Go. I shall remain here,” Nyx says, breaking him out of his daze. He nods in acknowledgment before leaving their corner of darkness, set to go find Zagreus. 

It’s not hard. The prince is somewhere in Elysium, he can feel. He shifts to a random glade, hoping the pull gets stronger once he’s closer. 

“Welcome, stranger,” a voice says as he turns around, taking in the sight of a shade resting by the Lethe. His dark hair falls in waves around him as the cyan laurel leaves twinkle in his hair. A warrior, no doubt. 

“You know, I settled into this spot thinking I would find solitude. Instead, it seems Gods are drawn to this place.” 

“Gods?” Than questions, “Do you mean the prince?” 

The shade hums, letting his head fall back with closed eyes. He should look like picture-perfect contentment, but Thanatos senses deep grief in him, raw and bare. 

“Yes, I believe so. He passed through here just now. Took some jerky with him.” 

_Jerky?_ Than wants to question, but instead heads for the chamber door. He hesitates, unsure if he should enter. 

“He’s probably already left that one, there. It appears he moves rather fast,” the shade says again. 

“Thank you,” Than replies, unsure why this fallen warrior knows so much about Zagreus and is offering such information. The shade simply turns away, ending their conversation, gazing up at the endless pseudo-sky. 

The shade is right, he can feel Zag’s presence not far from here. He shifts to another chamber, seemingly just as the prince enters.

“...Than!” Zagreus says, surprised. “I’ve been looking all over for you, we need to talk.” 

“Talk?” Than questions, already feeling his anger growing, “Why, I already know you plan on abandoning us. Me. I’m not sure what else there is to be said.” 

“Wh– No, Than, you don’t understand. My mother, she’s out there. I wasn’t born from Nyx. My Mother is out there, and Father has been hiding her all this time. I need to find her!” 

Thanatos suspected this was the reason, yet still felt as if he was doused in cold water at the sheer intensity of Zagreus. He takes this opportunity to take in the prince, noting the red blood falling from various wounds, bruises already forming on his torso. 

“Well, I was just in the area. Thought I’d come to blow off some steam,” Thanatos reasons, unsheathing his scythe. If he couldn’t stop Zagreus from abandoning his home, he might as well try to stop him from getting killed by traps or whatever inferior enemies Elysium had to offer. 

Zagreus opened his mouth as if to speak, but was interrupted by the summoning of Witches and Greatshields across the chamber. Than takes this as an excuse, moving forward to cast his circle of damage across them. 

He counts the enemies they slay, and even though his power is incredibly strong, he’s slow. It gives Zag plenty of opportunities to get quick kills with Stygius, outnumbering Than’s foes. 

Seeing Zagreus fight actual enemies instead of sparring with Achilles or himself is… a sight. He knew the prince was strong– he’d be a fool to deny so, but seeing this display of energy and strength was overwhelming. 

Zag panted as he dashed to meet Than by the exit, enemies gone and coin collected. There was a thin layer of perspiration around his neck and chest, toned muscles in his arms twitching as he passed his sword back and forth.

“Here,” Than said, offering forth a Centaur Heart without thinking. His brain felt as if it was turned off, the only thoughts being, _protect him save him heal him_.

“Woah, thanks!” Zag replies, offering a big grin that would have been payment enough, but then pulling out a bottle of _Nectar_ to offer in return. 

Thanatos nearly shifts to the surface by accident. 

5.

When Death is needed on the surface, Thanatos is not privy to much information before shifting there himself. Though, he hadn’t ever been as shocked as now, as he shifts to a shivering snowbank to find Zagreus curled on his side, bleeding out. 

“Than…?” Zag questions, quietly. 

He feels frozen, unsure if this is a prank by Hypnos, causing him to have such a nightmare as some sort of crude lesson. The snow falling on his face, cold seeping into already cool skin begs to differ. 

“What… happened?” he questions, moving forward to sit next to Zagreus’ form. 

“Father,” Zag says with a weak chuckle, blood pooling in his mouth. “I finally reached the surface and he… was waiting.” 

Fury courses through his body he hadn’t thought possible, desire to tear his Lord, the one he serves apart as justice for the pain he sees inflicted on the prince. 

“He did this?” Than questions, knowing the answer yet asking anyway. 

Zagreus nods, and Than can feel the life slipping away, his eyes growing dull, bright green fading. 

“I don’t know… I don’t know why,” Zag wheezes, “why he hates me so much. I don’t know what I did,” he admits. 

There were not many times he can recall the prince crying. Once, when he was young, and Nyx had to leave for a long time to deal with Chaos. Zagreus had begged her not to leave, scared of being alone until Nyx made Achilles, and Than promise to spend as much time with him as possible. Another time when Alecto had visited the House and had cornered young Zagreus in a far hallway, making such vicious threats until he ran to Achilles, crying, insisting to be taught how to fight. Alecto was not welcomed in the House past that. 

Two times. He can remember tears shedding from Zagreus’ eyes twice. When he shifted here he did not expect to encounter it for the third time. 

His hands find Zagreus’ face on their own accord, wiping the tears from his eyes, mixing with the blood on his temples. He can feel his own heart breaking. 

“I’ll make this quick,” he promises, because what else _can_ he promise? How sordid it is for him to be Death Incarnate yet so powerless to stop the one he loves the most from succumbing to it? 

“I’m sorry,” he adds, staring at Zagreus once more before ending it. 

He takes Zag back to the Styx himself. 

There’s a hole in his chest he fears has become permanent. 

+1

“Than? Than!” he hears, turning around from Nyx to see Zagreus nearly sprinting from the Styx. 

“I found her!” Zagreus says, gripping Than by the shoulders, “She’s there! She was so wonderful, but I couldn’t– I can’t stay long, up there.” 

He can feel the corners of his lips twitching, mirroring Zag’s own enthusiasm. “I know. You died, remember? Someone had to collect you.” 

He missed Zag actually dying this time, instead have a slightly awkward meeting with Persephone over her son’s lifeless body. He’s not sure which he despises more. 

“Oh,” Zag says, as if he forgot, “right! Thanks for that. Do you have some time? I’d really love to tell you more.” Nyx had already floated away, promising to check in with the prince later. 

He doesn’t have time, not really. He was only checking in with Nyx briefly before intending to return to the surface. He lets Zagreus lead him away. 

Instead of the lounge, Zagreus takes them to his chambers, floors still adorned with random clothes, but a new lyre sitting in the corner. It seems to be gathering dust. How nice. 

“Gods, it was so bright, Than! Is it like that every time you appear? Do you get used to it? I always thought everyone was just trying to scare me, talking about it!” Zagreus chats, sitting down on the edge of his bed, patting next to him as an invitation.

Thanatos lowers himself down gently, responding, “You’ll get used to it, yes. It is rather formidable.” 

Zag laughs, and Than can feel that… _thing_ building in his core again. He’s come to understand it rather than fear it. Love. 

“She was so nice, Gods, I wish I could have stayed longer. There are still so many questions, mind you, and I wager Father isn’t going to be of any help at all. But knowing that she’s there? Gods, I can’t even describe it.” 

Than can’t help but smile. “I’m happy for you,” he says, and actually means it. 

Zagreus gives him a smile that could surely shun Helios’ chariot into submission, reaching out to take Than’s hand. 

“You’ve been such a help in all of this, really. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.” 

“The bottles of Nectar lining my shelves disagree with you,” Than reminds him. 

“Oh, right! That reminds me,” Zag says, pulling away to dig through a chest next to the bed. 

“Here,” he says, holding a bottle of Ambrosia. 

Ambrosia. 

_Ambrosia._

“What,” Than says, speechless. His hands hover in the air, halfway between accepting the outrageous gift and shifting away out of shock. 

“For you. I just… you’re important to me, Thanatos. And I know things haven’t always been easy between us, but I want you to know. I’m here for you. I want you. And I’ll wait as long as it takes.” 

“You’ll wait for me,” Than repeats, deadpan. 

“Yes,” Zag confirms, then… deflates. “I mean, if you want. If you want the same thing I want.”

He can feel a pounding in his chest, a pressure far greater than he had ever felt before. 

“I’m here,” he hears himself utter. 

“What?” 

“I’m here, right now, aren’t I? What are you waiting for?” he questions, drunk on love and still not over the fact that Zag was gifting him _fucking Ambrosia._

“Oh. You’re right. I guess you are,” Zag replies, seeming surprised himself. He sets the bottle down with a heavy _clunk_ before going toward Than, standing in between his open thighs where he sits. 

“I’m here,” Than says, as a reminder, as the prince drags a hand over his face, cradling him. His own fingers reach out to grasp Zag’s hips. 

“You are,” Zag responds, lowering his head until their lips are a centimeter apart, breaths mixing. He brings up a hand to hold Zag’s face, both out of the pure desire to touch and the fear he’ll leave. 

“Zagreus,” is all he can mutter before he feels a force far stronger than any being he knows tugging them together, lips finally meeting. Zag lets out a whine, and Than finds he would do nearly anything in his powers to hear that again. 

His mouth slides against Zag’s as an attempt to convey the pure _love_ , desire, affection, adoration he feels for him, all of which seems to be overflowing as the prince runs a hand through his hair, feeling the scratch of his undercut. 

Zag gasps, mouths parting but remaining ever so close. They gaze at one another, each tenderly caressing the other God, full of understanding and elation that it finally happened. 

“I love you,” Zag whispers, and Than was wrong because the tug he felt in his chest before is _nothing_ compared to the feelings when he hears this. 

“And I, you,” he replies, bringing them together once more.

**Author's Note:**

> WOOWWW you read all that!! thank you!!! PLEASE let me know what you thought through kudos or comments, they make my whole week!! would also love ideas or prompts if yall have any :]
> 
> ill put a link to my twitter [HERE](https://twitter.com/shortkingzag), feel free to follow or check out my linktree!! <3


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